How does one...

[mwhities]

tell ones SO that one needs to dive a few times before a big trip to an island in two months?

I got the "What? You are going to be diving all week in Cozumel, why in the world do you want to dive now?".

I know the answer, to brush up on my diving skills and when they ask me if I've been to 80" or more in the last 6 months (I haven't dove in more than 5 months) I can legitimately say yes. She wasn't hearing any of this, what might you all recommend that I say or do to get her to "approve" of a one weekend dive trip to practice my diving skills? (Ohh and to get away from her for two days...)

Thanks!

Michael

[Mo2vation]

tell ones SO that one needs to dive a few times before a big trip to an island in two months?

I got the "What? You are going to be diving all week in Cozumel, why in the world do you want to dive now?".

I know the answer, to brush up on my diving skills and when they ask me if I've been to 80" or more in the last 6 months (I haven't dove in more than 5 months) I can legitimately say yes. She wasn't hearing any of this, what might you all recommend that I say or do to get her to "approve" of a one weekend dive trip to practice my diving skills? (Ohh and to get away from her for two days...)

Thanks!

Michael

Safety. Gotta get the gear wet to be sure everything is still AOK, you know?

Its a safety thing. Make sure the wing holds air, the fin straps haven't rotted, the Reg's O-Rings are still, well, O-ringing.

Its an equipment test.

---
Ken

[mwhities]

Safety. Gotta get the gear wet to be sure everything is still AOK, you know?

Its a safety thing. Make sure the wing holds air, the fin straps haven't rotted, the Reg's O-Rings are still, well, O-ringing.

Its an equipment test.

---
Ken

Ken,

I actually tried that. "So jump into my sister's pool?!".. "I need to test it at depth.." "Suureee.."

*still trying to get wet*

Michael

[Ber Rabbit]

Send her to a spa for the weekend? Diamonds? Hire a couple really hot guys to come to the house and do chores shirtless? Make it benefit her to have you out of her way for a couple days
Ber

[cmalinowski]

tell ones SO that one needs to dive a few times before a big trip to an island in two months?

I got the "What? You are going to be diving all week in Cozumel, why in the world do you want to dive now?".

I know the answer, to brush up on my diving skills and when they ask me if I've been to 80" or more in the last 6 months (I haven't dove in more than 5 months) I can legitimately say yes. She wasn't hearing any of this, what might you all recommend that I say or do to get her to "approve" of a one weekend dive trip to practice my diving skills? (Ohh and to get away from her for two days...)

Thanks!

Michael

Depends how long you've been with her. You can try the "Fine, but my death will be on your hands" guilt thing. That works if it's early in the relationship. If it's been a while, I'd go with the Ber Rabbit approach because all they'll care about is whether the life insurance is paid up otherwise.

Is she going to Coz with you? If not, you're screwed. You really need to start this whole "need to work on skills to keep alive" thing months and years ahead of time. That way, when you get the opportunity to go, it's already ingrained in your lives together.

Chris

[Stryker1775]

Didn't Brad Paisley sing a song along this same train of thought only it was about fishing?

Me, I just say "Woman, I'm going diving. I don't stop you from going shopping or 8 hour days at the hair salon do I? No. So back away from my fins."

Course I'm single and dive when I want....

[Snowbear]

...
I got the "What? You are going to be diving all week in Cozumel, why in the world do you want to dive now?"

Because I like to dive. And because it's been almost half a year since I've been diving and I want to brush up on my skills and make sure my gear is squared away before going on the trip.

I guess I just don't understand why she needs "convincing"??? Does she not want you to dive at all? Is there something else pressing that MUST be done instead?? Will diving before the big trip strap you financially??

Like someone else suggested... how about make it a weekend where you each do something you like. She gets to have a girls' weekend out (or whatever) and you get to dive.

[vicdiver656]

Safety. Gotta get the gear wet to be sure everything is still AOK, you know?

Its a safety thing. Make sure the wing holds air, the fin straps haven't rotted, the Reg's O-Rings are still, well, O-ringing.

Its an equipment test.

---
Ken

Speaking of O-Rings....how do you get the things for tanks and such??? My dive shop won't even let me see them, much less buy a few, and they're kinda a nice thing to have in a save-a-dive kit. Sorry for hijacking, but I just gotta know!!

[LCF]

I think Snowbear hit the nail on the head. Figure out why you're getting the resistance. Are you working too many hours, or never there on weekends? Does she feel like she's sitting home alone with the baby and not getting any help? Is it a financial issue?

If you identify the cause of the resistance, you can do something to solve the problem. Even if you did manage to coax her into allowing you to go, whatever the gripe is would still be there, and maybe worse after.

[dherbert]

You have needs, she has needs. Make sure her needs are met before tending to your needs. Laying guilt on her might get you in the water, but it's also likely to cause resentment, which could last a loooong time...

Does she feel threatened by your diving, as though diving were the "other woman"? Could be she perceives your obsession with diving as having replaced your obsession with her. Flowers, cards, any little gift on a regular basis(2x week or more) might help, but it need to be seen as a gesture of love, not a bargaining chip.

When I started instructing, time was pretty tight for me. I was at the shop as much as 4x/week and still diving on weekends. I was pretty obsessed and I did let Christine slip as the priority she deserves to be and this caused a lot of friction. We've since made compromises on both sides and life is good.

I need to dive and I need to be with divers. It gives me a sense of serenity and accomplishment, gives me a break from the the incessant demands of life and keeps me sane. I'm a diver. When I don't dive, there is a big part of who I am which is suppressed and there is a void. I feel it and others notice it. I need to dive.

A five month SI is not acceptable for you and weekly diving is likely not acceptable for her at this point. Find a compromise that works for both of you. If she's not willing to compromise on this thing, your options seem limited to telling her to piss off or not diving.

Marriage is all about compromise while still getting most of your needs met. Good luck with it.

[Pasley]

Many good suggestions here.
1. I agree that you need to identify the cause of resistance. Abandonment, jealousy because you are going diving and she is stuck home with kids in diapers.
2. You need to go diving now as others have said for the following reasons:
a.) Brush up on your skills. Cozumel is drift diving and your buoyancy control needs to be spot on. You are paying a lot of money to go, might as well be able to enjoy the dive.
b.) Safety, again if newly married this works, if not, then the life insurance may be looking good to her.
c.) you do need to check out the gear AFTER you have it serviced if it has been a while.
d.) Many quality dive operations will check your log book to see if you have been diving recently. You need to have recent dives so you can make the good dives in Cozumel.
e.) because I have an addiction and I need a fix. It is either that or get a girlfriend, so which do you want me to do honey? ..... Hey, why can't I see out of my eye anymore? It hurts too, and why am I laying on the floor? What is that loud screeching noise?...... Honey, Honey,....put down the knife, we can talk about this...Honey, Honey, be reasonable I was just kidding... hey why don't we go to the mall today, I heard they are having a diamond sale.

[mwhities]

Send her to a spa for the weekend? Diamonds? Hire a couple really hot guys to come to the house and do chores shirtless? Make it benefit her to have you out of her way for a couple days
Ber

I've done that for her twice in the last 4 months. She thinks that we shouldn't be away from our son over night. (Granted, before this 4 months, I was able to (we argued) go on a few over night trips but, I had to be back "at a certain time".) She "never" wants to leave him alone (with a sitter or even me) over night. She'll have a girls night but, it's dinner and straight back. I tell her to go to the Chip n' Dales that are in town with the girls and she still won't...

Depends how long you've been with her. You can try the "Fine, but my death will be on your hands" guilt thing. That works if it's early in the relationship. If it's been a while, I'd go with the Ber Rabbit approach because all they'll care about is whether the life insurance is paid up otherwise.

Is she going to Coz with you? If not, you're screwed. You really need to start this whole "need to work on skills to keep alive" thing months and years ahead of time. That way, when you get the opportunity to go, it's already ingrained in your lives together.

Chris

Almost 2 years and everytime I go dive, she complains. She wants me to get up at 3 or 4 AM, drive 3 to 6 hours, dive a couple of times, drive back those 3 or 6 hours and be back at the house by 7 or 8 PM.

All of us are going to Cozumel. My wife, son, her sister, husband and kids.
I worked on the "skill/keep alive" ever since I learned of DIR/HOG.. I just don't get to as I can't see driving 3+ hours to dive twice and drive back the same day.

Didn't Brad Paisley sing a song along this same train of thought only it was about fishing?

Me, I just say "Woman, I'm going diving. I don't stop you from going shopping or 8 hour days at the hair salon do I? No. So back away from my fins."

Course I'm single and dive when I want....

Am I a bad person to want to get away for a weekend with the guys? I give her the option for her and her sister to drive to Gulf Shores AL and go shopping at the Outlet Malls whenever she wants. I even said she could use my card.

Because I like to dive. And because it's been almost half a year since I've been diving and I want to brush up on my skills and make sure my gear is squared away before going on the trip.

I guess I just don't understand why she needs "convincing"??? Does she not want you to dive at all? Is there something else pressing that MUST be done instead?? Will diving before the big trip strap you financially??

Like someone else suggested... how about make it a weekend where you each do something you like. She gets to have a girls' weekend out (or whatever) and you get to dive.

I stated that almost exactly and you saw the reply in the first post...

She does and doesn't like for me to dive. Shew knows I love to since it's something I've always wanted to do. Nothing pressing or financially (now). I mean, yeah, it's a little costly to drive 3+ hours to dive but, once in 4 months won't hurt us. The Cozumel (and we just booked a cruise in March 09 with the Carnival Glory) trip are all paid for. Naa, I actually have quite a bit of money saved up since I got rid of my GAS issue.

Read above, with our son, she doesn't want to leave him over night. Even with me watching him which I've told her plenty of times that I would. All she has to say is when.

I think Snowbear hit the nail on the head. Figure out why you're getting the resistance. Are you working too many hours, or never there on weekends? Does she feel like she's sitting home alone with the baby and not getting any help? Is it a financial issue?

If you identify the cause of the resistance, you can do something to solve the problem. Even if you did manage to coax her into allowing you to go, whatever the gripe is would still be there, and maybe worse after.

I work from 8 to 5. I'm home by 5:30 and we go to bed at 9:00. I don't go anywhere or really do anything at all once I'm home. Once maybe twice a week, I'll go have a beer with my best friend or I go do some work on the side for extra money. On the weekends, we go shopping for groceries, take Tanner to the park, hang out with her twin sister and everything.... In te last 4 months, I haven't been more than 30 minutes away from the house on the weekdays or weekends. We always help each other in the evenings with Tanner. We have a routine from the point when I get home till we get in bed at 9. (I can give you the run down in PM if you want it... details too. )

The cause I believe is that she wants us both to be with Tanner all the time. She even told me that she never wants to leave his side....

You have needs, she has needs. Make sure her needs are met before tending to your needs. Laying guilt on her might get you in the water, but it's also likely to cause resentment, which could last a loooong time...

Does she feel threatened by your diving, as though diving were the "other woman"? Could be she perceives your obsession with diving as having replaced your obsession with her. Flowers, cards, any little gift on a regular basis(2x week or more) might help, but it need to be seen as a gesture of love, not a bargaining chip.

When I started instructing, time was pretty tight for me. I was at the shop as much as 4x/week and still diving on weekends. I was pretty obsessed and I did let Christine slip as the priority she deserves to be and this caused a lot of friction. We've since made compromises on both sides and life is good.

I need to dive and I need to be with divers. It gives me a sense of serenity and accomplishment, gives me a break from the the incessant demands of life and keeps me sane. I'm a diver. When I don't dive, there is a big part of who I am which is suppressed and there is a void. I feel it and others notice it. I need to dive.

A five month SI is not acceptable for you and weekly diving is likely not acceptable for her at the point. Find a compromise that works for both of you. If she's not willing to compromise on this thing, your options seem limited to telling her to piss off or not diving.

Marriage is all about compromise while still getting most of your needs met. Good luck with it.

I've done everything she has asked me to, help around the house and many other things. Her needs are simple and I happily help get them met.

She's not much on flowers and other things but, I shower her with love and always making comments about how beautiful she is and how lucky I am to be with her.. all the mushy stuff. (It's true and honest.)

I agree with that need. I even tried to see if I could dive one weekend a month (even one day on her "be back before 8" deal) just to enjoy diving and being with friends. It was to the point (maybe is shouldn't have) I was depressed and didn't want to do anything. Not sure.. I get what you are saying and agree with it. I feel that if I could go once a month (even two) I'd be happy. Currently,everytime I did go, we argued about it.

I didn't ask to go ever weekend, I asked to go one weekend before October. Just one, although, I'd like two... that'd give me roughly 10 more dives.

Yeah, I honestly think I've compromised more on her side than mine. Maybe I should take my friend's advice and grow some....

Thanks, I'll let you know.

Many good suggestions here.
1. I agree that you need to identify the cause of resistance. Abandonment, jealousy because you are going diving and she is stuck home with kids in diapers.
2. You need to go diving now as others have said for the following reasons:
a.) Brush up on your skills. Cozumel is drift diving and your buoyancy control needs to be spot on. You are paying a lot of money to go, might as well be able to enjoy the dive.
b.) Safety, again if newly married this works, if not, then the life insurance may be looking good to her.
c.) you do need to check out the gear AFTER you have it serviced if it has been a while.
d.) Many quality dive operations will check your log book to see if you have been diving recently. You need to have recent dives so you can make the good dives in Cozumel.
e.) because I have an addiction and I need a fix. It is either that or get a girlfriend, so which do you want me to do honey? ..... Hey, why can't I see out of my eye anymore? It hurts too, and why am I laying on the floor? What is that loud screeching noise?...... Honey, Honey,....put down the knife, we can talk about this...Honey, Honey, be reasonable I was just kidding... hey why don't we go to the mall today, I heard they are having a diamond sale.

Abandonment sounds more like it as I stated before, she always wants to be with our son (wants both us to be).

I agree with all of the diving reasons, she can't really see it. If I bring it up (even after last night) she throws a fit and we argue more. (I try to talk calmy with her.)

E: Yeah, I am addicted but, I control it for her and T. I could be an (__Y__) and tell her to piss off and I'm going but, I'm not that kind of a person.

(I hid all of the knives!)

Michael

[Ber Rabbit]

Sounds a little bit like she's doing some form of "nesting"; wanting to keep the family close and protect the baby and the baby's security which means making sure the provider stays alive. While suggesting counseling probably would not go over very well it might be useful before animosity gets in the way of your relationship.

Ber

[LAJim]

Only you can decide what is likely to be an effective argument. But safety is a good argument. If you look at the DAN fatality reports for the last several years you will see that diving without being current is a major risk factor. In the report issued a year or two ago nearly 50% of the fatalities were divers making their first dive after not being in the water for a year.

Some of the people on this board have occasionally been sidelined from diving due to medical issues, military service, or family issues, and a reboot after 6 months or more is usually considered a big deal. I didn't think the diving is Cozumel was particularly difficult, but you can expect to separate from the DMs on many of your dives and make at least a few ascents in blue water. You might be on the surface as long as 10 minutes awaiting boat pick-up, depending on circumstances. You should be pretty solid before you go down there.

If you are diving in Cozumel with someone you know you can factor that person's training level into both the real skills issues and the spin. If you are going to be insta-buddied you might be placed with someone else who hasn't been in the water recently either.

[mwhities]

Sounds a little bit like she's doing some form of "nesting"; wanting to keep the family close and protect the baby and the baby's security which means making sure the provider stays alive. While suggesting counseling probably would not go over very well it might be useful before animosity gets in the way of your relationship.

Ber

That makes sense.. total sense. I thought that was just before the baby was born. I'll try to talk to her more about it tonight.

Thanks.

Michael